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Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
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11:20 am
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My entry for Gala Darling's Style Icon Competition - Sent 12th July 2007
She's a kooky chick with crazy style
Her fashion combo's make me smile
Oh how I wish I was her size
Some of her clothes give me green eyes
She's not afraid of what she wants
She doesn't listen to do's and don'ts
She loves purple and let's you know
Decks herself out in it, from head to toe.
She's got pieces from all over the map
She once got me a top from the Paris GAP.
Upon losing a coat on a train to Berlin
She got odd looks after exclaiming "SCHEISSEN!"
While her unique style used to make me wince
I got over that and have been proud ever since
My style icon could be no other
Than my very own wonderful Mother!
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, August 9th, 2007
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1:14 pm
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Lines
They don't see me
or rather, I don't see me
They don't see my lines
my lines that I see myself drawn outside of
They see my lines at the edge of me
They see what I am
not what I should be
Herbe verte
A tired man standing longs to sit
A tired man sitting longs to recline
A tired man reclining longs for a pillow
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007
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12:17 pm
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A rejected nzgirl.com article, supplied Jan 30th 2007
10 Things You Can Do To Show Your Loved One Still Care
1. Feed him
There is truth in the old saying that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. All men like to feel nurtured and cared for and providing them with a little sustenance goes a long way. You don’t have to be a sous-chef in order to provide an appetizing meal for your loved one. You could wake up early and bring him bacon and eggs in bed, make him a sandwich of his favourite fillings and pop it in his bag for work, or go the whole hog and beat him home to have his favourite meal ready for him. You get extra points for getting the recipe off his Mum.
2. Organise a social event for him
Boys are generally pretty hopeless when it comes to organising social events. Anything beyond “My place. Bring beer” is usually outside of their event management repertoire. Try consulting with him about the sorts of activities he enjoys doing with his friends whether it’s a poker night at home, paintball or cricket at the beach. Do your best to gauge the availability of his friends and take care of all the other arrangements. When you finally have everything organised be sure to stand back and let him have a good time with his mates. Remember it’s about him enjoying himself, and he’ll surely lavish appreciative attention on you after all the boys have gone home.
3. Leave him a note
There is something special about receiving a message from your loved one when you least expect it. It could range from something as small as a finger drawn heart in the steam on the bathroom mirror to a full blown letter mailed to his house or work with all the cutesy stationery to boot.
4. Praise him like you should
Everyone loves to be complimented, but sometimes when we’ve spent a lot of time with someone we forget to thank them for all the little things. It may be his turn to do the vacuuming but that doesn’t mean you can’t thank him for it. Men are especially susceptible to compliments about their appearance, as they don’t get a lot of feedback and are concerned about whether or not they’re doing the right thing. Something as simple as telling your loved one that you like the way he’s done his hair, or that his shirt really suits him will go a long way to making him feel cheerful and confident.
5. Rent his favourite movie
There may be plenty of movies and television shows that you both enjoy but to show him how much you care try renting one of his favourites that you usually veto. Whether it’s a gory action flick or a complicated Sci Fi do your best to look interested and try to make listening noises when he excitedly tells you the back-story.
6. Make him a piece of art
It doesn’t matter if you have the artistic talent of your 2 year old cousin, or Michelangelo, your loved one will surely appreciate a piece of art made in their honour or likeness. You could get some art supplies from your local art shop or if you’re on a tight budget from The Warehouse or even The $2 Shop. Try to use colours that you know he will like or will go with the things in his room (to save your beautiful artwork from being relegated to the bottom of the wardrobe). On the other end of the spectrum you could just doodle a little caricature of you both, or perhaps a goofy little comic strip of something funny that has happened recently. Be sure to keep his tastes in mind and you’ll end up being the featured artist of his bedroom wall.
7. Make him a bunch of flowers
As staunch as your man may be I refuse to believe that men don’t appreciate the prettier things in life. While a professionally prepared bouquet of flowers may be a bit much for him, try picking some fragrant flowers from around the neighbourhood. Wrap a ribbon around your wild flower posy and be sure to hand it over in private so he doesn’t feel obliged to shrug it off in front of his friends.
8. Seduce him
Put on a sexy outfit and strut your stuff. Men are very visual creatures, so nothing could please them more than seeing their favourite girl all dolled up, performing a private show. Do a funky strip tease and to double the fun, try to get him to reciprocate (American Pie style).
9. Give him a shoulder rub in the bath
This is an oldie but a goodie and combines two of the most relaxing things. First thing to do is make the bathroom a sanctuary of relaxation. Light some candles (scented are best), put on some relaxing music (try to find something from his collection that suits the mood) and fill the bath using salts or bubble bath depending on preference. Although it is nice to surprise him, make sure you know it’s going to be an appropriate time. When you’ve got him in the bath, give him a good shoulder rub (the best way to give a massage is when you’ve got lots of feedback, so ask him what he likes). Once he’s turned into jelly leave him to enjoy his relaxation.
10. Tell him you love him
The best way to show your loved one you care is to tell them face-to-face. You may exchange those three words on a daily basis as you nip out the door or as you hang up the phone. Try surprising him with a passionate kiss and tell him exactly how much he means to you.
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(comment on this)
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12:08 pm
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Written for a short story writing class on 23/03/06
Silk Robe
The swirling paua-esque blues and greens
slipped over my skin like a cool breeze.
The silk robe warmed,
releasing a faint smell of dye.
I tied it loosely around my waist
and let it waft out behind me as I glided down the hall.
The material gently followed my movements
like fragile seaweed in a throbbing tide.
Untitled
“Potatoes” Gwen demanded, her arm outstretched over the table. Muriel forced a smile as she passed her mother-in-law the plate of potatoes, receiving no thanks. Glen touched Muriel’s knee under the table, giving her an apologetic look. He cleared his throat and shifted in his chair about to speak when his brother Rusty exploded “You shoulda seen me at the pub last week, Glen. I was on fire. And you know Sarah? The chick that works the bar? You know Sarah?” Glen nodded avoiding the penetrating glance from his wife. A smirk spread across Rusty’s face “She really liked the show, if you know what I mean...” Glen frowned, looking at the inquisitive faces of his two boys. “Uhh… yes, well… anyway…” Glen stumbled over his words, trying to change the subject “I asked you all to dinner to tell you some news…” Rusty laughed, “Old Mrs Harris thinks the world’s ending again?” Glen winced “Uhh… no” The usually unflappable man felt uneasy around his ‘colourful’ family.
“As you know, I’ve been waiting for my next posting from Police Headquarters…” Rusty’s smile faded and Gwen grumbled “I don’t know why they’ve got to take our Policeman away. You’re doing just fine here, aren’t you son?” Glen smiled awkwardly; he had secretly been wanting to get away from his small town posting where everybody knew him (and his family) intimately. “Muriel and I had been hoping for Wellington…” “Bloody awful place! Windy as hell!” Rusty exclaimed. “… or Auckland” Glen continued. “Geez! Have you seen what the traffic’s like up there?!?” Glen smoothed his moustache and breathed out heavily “Then you’ll be glad to hear, that headquarters has decided I’m needed here for at least another two years.” Rusty’s face lit up and he punched his brother in the arm “Awesome bro! I promise to stay out of trouble this year too!” Glen and Muriel looked at each other uneasily.
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| Saturday, June 9th, 2007
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9:53 pm
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Wink
I had a few on the go.
I was young and slim and seemingly irresistible.
The world was my oyster and I could pick and chose men at my will.
And I did, with the greed of a child in a candy shop.
It seemed there was no mark I couldn't conquer,
Regardless of whether they were attached or not.
They didn't leave their girlfriend's of course.
They would have fun with me then go home to bed
Or make up some story about 'staying at a friends place'
I didn't mind though, I thought of them as much as objects as they did me.
Some pretended to have a conscious and wouldn't seal the deal.
They'd play with me and laugh and kiss for hours
But as long as they didn't commit the final act
They weren't cheating
Or so they fooled themselves.
But there was one.
One who was different.
One who actually saw me when he looked into my eyes.
One who kissed me like he meant it, not like foreplay.
One who frowned shamefully when I teased him about his girlfriend.
We worked together, but not in the same department.
When we'd bump into each our during the day
He would smile coyly as I brushed past him a little too close.
When he thought no one was looking, he'd playfully wink at me.
I was less subtle.
I think the whole work place knew.
But soon enough, I became enamoured with someone else
And his guilty conscious caught up with him.
His late night visits stopped.
But from time to time
He'd still flash me that playful wink.
A day in the life of Anna
I gently rubbed my throbbing temples and squinted though groggy eyes at what appeared to be a pile of last night's dinner. A four-letter word escaped under my breath. I rolled over to an unfamiliar face, my eyes now wide open I tried to recall the events leading to this moment but drew a blank. On closer inspection, the face wasn't as unfamiliar as I first thought; it was that of my boyfriend's friend Tim. Next to him was my equally comatose boyfriend.
I decided to forget my amnesia for the meantime and deal to the matter at hand. I woke Tim and pointed out my contribution to the carpet. He rolled his eyes and groaned "Anna!" Sitting up in the bed, he directed me "Dustpan without the brush, plastic bag, a towel and boil the jug".
In no time the carpet looked like new, if not somewhat damp. We decided to let it dry before waking the owner of the carpet. After some probing, I discovered that Tim and my friend Hayley and I went out on the town and that she must be somewhere in the house. I went downstairs and found her shivering on the couch. "Hayley?" I rocked her gently, "Hayley?" I said a little louder and rocked her not so gently. She rubbed her mascara-stained eyes and moaned "What?" dragging out the vowel.
She filled in a little more of my night, motioning to the empty bottle of tequila on the table and lemon rinds scattered across the floor. She winced with sympathy as she pointed out the giant bruise on my arm, she had no more of an idea how it happened than I did. She detailed my various drunken endeavours but recalled that I disappeared rather early on in the night and enquired how I got in the house. Another mystery.
After a fair amount of lazing about, my boyfriend summoned up the energy to make us all bacon and eggs, decidedly a very good feat. Rejuvenated, we still couldn't muster much energy. We staggered outside into the sun. The hours past easily and a cold beer seemed the remedy for an excessively hot afternoon.
Evening obligations loomed. We said goodbye to our guests and made our way to a show. Unimpressed by the show we wandered home with one thing on our minds: sleep. One of my boyfriend's flatmates greeted us "Hey, are you the girl I found passed out on the front step this morning?" Mystery solved.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 22nd, 2007
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1:44 pm
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Pirate fight
What would you say
If I said it was ok
To play all day
In sand and hay?
Would you play all day
In sand and hay
If I said it was ok?
What would you say?
If you said it was alright
Would we have a pirate fight?
In the muck to see whose might
Was supreme in width and height
If in the muck we found my might
Was supreme in width and height
Could we still have a pirate fight?
Do you think that would be alright?
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, January 8th, 2007
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10:16 am
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Suffer Cry Hurt
Suffer girl, suffer
in silence well documented.
Fuel your misery.
What are you without angst?
Cry baby, cry
as long as someone sees.
Your agony filled life,
Does it make you feel worthwhile?
Hurt fool, hurt.
Inflict heartache upon yourself.
Cling to painful memories.
Is this how you want to be?
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
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10:42 am
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Untitled
I want to be like them
Fragile and graceful
I despise them
and talk about how they digust me
I envy them
I want to be like them
But I never will
The Voice
The voice isn’t loud enough yet
Not strong enough to make a difference
I push it down and fight
And hold onto the easy way
It whispers all the horrible truths,
laughs at my reflection,
cringes at every mouthful,
and tells me what people really think
But slowly I’ll let it take over
I’ll let it hold cupped fingers to my ear
It will control me and mold me
Into what it says is a better person
Until that voice is all of me
Until I’m weak to its command
Until I can’t fight or resist
Until I’m what I wanted all along
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(comment on this)
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10:39 am - One of them
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I feel like one of them
Unique, individual
When I see them on the street
Pierced and tattooed
I smile at them
In their op shop best
As if to say, I’m one of you
But they just blink at me
In my straightened blonde hair
And plain mainstream clothes
They don’t see an individual
They don’t see one of their own
They see me
Whored out to The Man
Boring, conventional
I am not one of them
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 8th, 2006
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9:53 pm
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I made the suggestion in an attempt at attention,
Not thinking it close to the truth
His silence and the back of his head spoke louder than words
When the words came, they stung like a wasp
Sharp and quick at first, I blinked dumbly
Then the heat and the pain radiated out overwhelming my senses
He glanced at me apologetically and shrugged
My defences swooped in quickly, flooding my body
Making me numb and confused
I sat silent. My mind empty, holding back the eminent flood.
Like a dam about to burst.
For the longest time, thoughts only trickled in
Like murky water seeping through a crack in my concrete wall
Eventually the wall started to chip away, they came faster and faster
Until I was completely overwhelmed
Thoughts and situations swirled around my mind
With the ferocity of an angry tide.
My face was hot and wet as the flood leaked out
I gasped for air as my body shook with tremors
He squeezed me tightly and touched my hair
As if the tighter he held me, the more he cared
I let him hold me, and buried my face in his neck
My breathing slowed as he whispered soothing words in my ear
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, September 19th, 2006
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11:12 am
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Don't give up child
Don’t give up child
You can make it to morning
It’s so hard to struggle
Through the darkness
But don’t give up child
You can make it through
Keep together young one
You’re not lost yet
It would be so easy
To lie down and accept it
But keep together young one
You can stand up and be strong
Continue fighting
Claw your way
I know it’s hard
When your walk becomes a crawl
Continue fighting
Morning will come
the fuck, he deserves it
You make me sick
I could never have imagined
All the shit you’d put me through
If I could turn back the clock
I wish I had never heard of you
All your lies and deceit
I was blind to your manipulation
I can’t believe I was so thick
To ever get involved with
Such a worthless, a waste of space, dick
So you say I broke your heart
And I’m a stupid fucking whore
But how can say you loved me
When you just turn around
And act so fucking callously
So many people hate you
I hope it eats you up inside
You know all bullshit you’ve done
It’s coming straight back to you
I hope it weighs a tonne
Just when I start to feel
A tiny bit of sympathy
I remember everything you are
Even if I never see you again
I’m left with this ugly jagged scar
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, September 18th, 2006
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12:53 pm - nice to know
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It’s nice to know
I’ll always be forgiven
There’s nothing so wrong
We can’t work out together
It’s nice to know
You’ll always be there
I have a friend who’ll help
No matter what the circumstance
It’s nice to know
I make you happy
I make you feel like
You can be something
It’s nice to know
I am loved unconditionally
Someone cares about me
As much as I care about them
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(comment on this)
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10:26 am
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Monday, Monday
Inspiration evades me
On this mild spring morning
Gentle breezes and swaying leaves
Can’t wake me from this haze
A new day, a new week
Time to start afresh
Limp attempts at resolution
Fail before they start
The weekend gone, I cling to memories
Of careless wasted hours
And so the countdown begins
For another two days of sin
Once I got the flow going this came out....
The Dream
All alone, I’m scared
I drag my lifeless body
Trying to escape
The darkness approaching
I feel it coming closer
A dreadful cloud of evil
Slowly spreading, creeping
Coming to take me away
With a gasp my eyes open
I’m safe in my room
No dark presence lurking
Sunlight breaks through the curtain
I’m not alone, I’m safe
A warm arm wraps around me
Soft lips on my forehead
A whisper “I love you”
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10:21 am
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They’re tired, they’re stressed
Don’t want to get out of bed
Dropped out of school
They play San Andreas instead
Don’t want a job
Fluoxetine’s subsidised
They told the Doc
They feel so empty inside
Ch: Another kid on the sickness benefit
She was stressed; she dropped all her papers at Vic
Now she spends her days on the punk stage with freaks
So depressed she only drinks three days a week
Another kid on the sickness benefit
To make ends meet
They live on noodles and fags
What’s left each week
Barely buys a fifty bag
It’s tough on them
Waking up by half past three
It’s a disease
“Know me before you judge me”
Ch: Another kid on the sickness benefit
She was stressed; she dropped all her papers at Vic
Now she spends her days on the punk stage with freaks
So depressed she only drinks three days a week
Another kid on the sickness benefit
What I’m really trying to say
Is: You dicks need to pay your way
Get real, get up and get a job
You fucking lazy dirty slob
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, July 1st, 2006
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9:55 pm
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Name.
Password.
Sign in.
Remember me?.
Not now.
Pour your heart out.
Mood.
Apathetic.
Artistic.
Awake.
Update journal.
Update successful.
View here.
Sigh.
Sleep.
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
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2:06 pm
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The most boring poem ever.... and no, i'm not big on punctuation
Bus Ride
I calmly wait my turn
In the que of tired workers
Edging forwards
To pay their money
And get a seat
On their ride home
I get a seat
And hold my bag
I watch the others
Sidling down the aisle
Until a fellow passenger
Takes the rest of my seat
I notice his smell
Like frost bitten peas
But as he warms up
He radiates the pungent smell
Of stale smoke
Wafting from his clothes
I turn my head to the window
And gaze at strangers
Wearily making their way
Strutting along the concrete
In skirts and suits
Of black and grey
My destination approaches
I press the bell
The vehicle lurches to a stop
I squeeze down the aisle
And exit ungracefully
I cross and I’m home
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| Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
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8:40 pm
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When I found out you had betrayed me.
It cut me in half.
It made me feel 10 inches tall.
It made me feel like an idiot.
When I found out you had lied.
I wanted to scream.
I was filled with anger.
It made me feel like a fool.
To know that whole time you had been keeping it from me... that I had danced around the subject and laughed. you must have been uncomfortable. I hope you were riddled with guilt, I hope it cut you up inside but now, i really doubt it did. you never even intented to tell me. you thought we could go on, laughing and talking all the while you knew you had done something that would tear me up... something that would make me so upset. you knew how upset i would be, that was why you kept it from me.
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4:40 pm - really really old poetry
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High School
Foreign familiar halls I walk
Sticky floors with retro themes
No longer the subtle smell of chalk
Walls outdated colour schemes
Saved by the bell, live by the clock
Authority enforce a tight regime
Self segregated, leaders and dorks
Where beautiful youth reign supreme
And strut the halls like elite catwalks
Where no one says just what they mean
Meaningless noise and endless talk
Reminds me how I used to dream
Untitled
Stop complaining,
We don’t care
We know you’re worthless
Please don’t share
You’re a waste of time
A waste of space
We don’t want to see
You’re ugly face
It’s not that hard
To realize
It’s your sad existence
We despise
Do us a favour
Leave us now
I hope in time
We forget you somehow
Untitled
Raindrops fading from my window
Teardrops fill my empty head
Only streams left on the window
Nothing to warm my empty bed
Once beated now turned to stone
My heart no longer heated
Lost the only love I’ve known
Alone, I fall, defeated
Untitled
When my best doesn’t cut it
With expectations everywhere
When failure isn’t an option
Is it easy to be fair?
No clear path presented
Giving up isn’t rare
Try my best on my own
Is it easy not to share?
But where is my salvation?
There’s always something out there
Try my best to find it
It’s not easy, but I care
Rose
It’s sweet and fragrant and fills the air
Its decorative nature gives a table flare
It signifies love and marriage and death
After winter it’s awaited with baited breath
What is the subject of my prose?
It is simply a beautiful rose.
Waiting
These days, everyone thinks the world owes them and
Games we play, breaking hearts and breaking promises,
They say, good things come to those who wait but
I’ve been waiting a long long time
Don’t fall behind, or risk spending your life catching up or
Do you mind, living life like a game you’ve lost
I find, I’m still waiting to catch up but
I’ve been waiting a long long time
Have you ever wondered what it’s all about, why
We do everything but what makes us happy
It’s true, and I’m waiting to understand but
I’ve been waiting a long long time
When I'm pretty I'll be
When I’m pretty I’ll be,
So modest and humble with understated beauty.
The kind everyone wants to have,
Admired as a true lady
When I’m pretty I’ll be,
So conservative with skirts just past my knee.
High heel leather boots,
And woven knits hugging my body.
When I’m pretty I’ll be,
Adorned by beautiful jewellery,
To compliment my eyes,
Sparkling bluer than the sea.
When I’m pretty I’ll be,
Confident, interesting and savvy.
I’ll hold parties everyone attends,
And we’ll discuss all things worldly.
When I’m pretty I’ll be,
The most beautiful thing you see.
When the room’s lit up by my smile,
I’ll know that I’m worthwhile.
When I’m pretty I’ll be.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, June 19th, 2006
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7:07 pm
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stream of consciousness
i
sleepy morning fades always trying harder striving always got to get to the top always got to be best bark bark why do i strive why do i try lifeboat sinks in the afternoon in the morning in the evening we try but we fail i try you try we all try for try try and then i went to the store and tried some more but couldn't wake up in the morning it's raining its pouring and the old man in boring he went to bed with a bump on his head and was fucking dead in the morning once i tried and you told me i was crap and i never tried again stupid flat slut why do you even try you drunk bitch what the fuck are you on don't even go there you try hard wannabe loser dont speak to me like that you idiot why do i even bother mousebrain that really hurt you know that cut deep that really made me think not you dumb whore
ii
disgusting taste in my mouth i taste it vile like disgusting yuck in my mouth why do i have this yuck in my mouth because i'm a good girl a good healthy girl who drinks my medicine to make me healthy to make me clean and good and well and to make my skin supple like everyone wants to make me a good great attractive girl who all the boys will want who am i kidding punctuation failing grammer iffy at the best of time why why why how who what when where why why do i question who am i looking to answer my questions no more questions no more question just take what you're given and make what you can just try your best and see what you get just keep going just keep trucking just don't stop just keep going and don't even think about what if and don't even thinking about stopping because it's thinking that causes pain and it's thinking that makes you discontent don't stop don't think just keep going keep smiling keep trucking and don't ever stop to think don't even stop and look don't ever look at yourself and think who am i?
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| Friday, March 31st, 2006
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1:38 pm - Old Poetry
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Untitled
Melancholy morning fades into bland afternoon.
The more I search for sunlight, the more I fear the moon.
The first star is gone by morning, softened into blue.
The last question left unanswered, too much to think through.
If I try too hard I’ll lose myself, If I don’t I wont succeed.
What does it mean to be alive? What does it mean to bleed?
Swimming in confusion, the lost fall through.
The elusive answer: to yourself be true.
My Child
We don’t always see eye to eye
We’ve always had our ups and downs
You know we’ve made each other cry
But we also make smiles out of frowns
Something more valid than wrong or right
We’ve shared a connection through it all
A bond lasting through every fight
I’ll pick you up whenever you fall
No hurt you’ve caused isn’t healing
No trouble caused by pain or strife
Could outweigh the best feeling
The eternal gift of giving life
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